Monday, June 20, 2011
My dad grew up in Brooklyn NY. My dad and I have never had a great relationship. Admittedly it has gotten better in recent years, but we still can not see eye to eye on anything, but maybe we do see eye to eye more than we let on to or realize. He is definitely a left brain person whereas I use more of my right. In layman's terms, he thinks mechanically and conservatively (to a degree) whereas I think creatively and liberally. He doesn't understand that part of me, well I suppose you can say to a degree he understands, but doesn't really support that ideology. Just as I understand to a degree the way his mind works, but don't favor it. We both are arrogant. We both want people to see our way. This is where our conflict stems. We can't see things the way the other does, because it's not how our respective minds work. I hated him growing up. He expected too much of me. He expects too much of everyone. He expects everyone to automatically think the way he does and therefore do things exactly as he would. I always failed him, sometimes it was because I was being lazy, a lot of the times it was because I had no idea of what I was supposed to be doing or how I was supposed to be doing it. I always told myself I would never be him. I see a lot of him in me. People tell me I'm a lot like him. I suppose when it comes down to it our persona is quite similar. It's just the way we go about it that's different. I spent the greater portion of last Friday in a place called Williamsburg Brooklyn. Not too far off form where my pops stomping grounds were. Williamsburg is a fantastic little place. Especially for my type of people (creative, artistic, thinking, arrogant, stubborn people with some sense of fashion). I absolutely loved it. All day I couldn't get it out of my mind though that I thought it was ironical that I could love a place so close to the place, in fact in the same borough, as my father, the one I disliked so much growing up. Which is when it hit me that perhaps I do have more in common with my dad than I thought. I won't parent like he did. That I swear to you. His parenting definitely took a toll on me and my mind. I can't say I'd be the person I am today though had it not happened this way. Maybe I've been looking at the situation all wrong all this time. Truthfully he does have good qualities, but honestly the bad overpower his good ones. Maybe he hates this life we have to live in this cursed world as much as I do. Maybe he just doesn't let on to it as I do so openly. Maybe he does and doesn't realize how much he does. Maybe I'm crazy. Who knows, who knows?