"To perceive is to suffer." - Aristotle

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Terminal Travesty

So here I lay on the floor of the Orlando airport, I've been here since 3:30.. its 7:42 now.. my flight was scheduled to leave at 6:55 but is delayed until 9:00 due to impaired visibility because of inclement weather. I can only hope the plane will still depart, this is the second time it was delayed. I have to work tomorrow! Despite this unfulfilling day, Jamaica was a lot of fun! The water was splendid, the sun so warm. I would have liked it to be a little less busy, there wasn't much downtime, but it was a good time nonetheless. Other than that life has been life.. I was pretty good until this morning when I started to feel down.. it lasted a couple of hours and I am ok for the most part now.. for some reason I am of a loss for words.. I don't know exactly what else to say. Besides an apology for the atrocity of a post this is.. I think I shall call this a spill post, for its more of a collage of thoughts than a collective post. So for this I am sorry, but at the same time I'm not, for this is a place to write my feelings and I guess I'm feeling discollected if this is how I am writing.. I shall be back at some point. With much love. Christopher-

Thursday, February 11, 2010

New York, Oh New York

Sorry its been so long since I've posted.. things have been so crazy.. I've been really down lately. Honestly life is so complicated its not even funny.. I was telling my best friend just the other day how growing up was one of the worst things that could have happened.. When your young everything is glazed over with this wonderful tinge to it. The world is a playground and you have years upon years to have the time of your life.. you look towards the future with bright hopes and you yearn for it to come.. Being young is this alternate reality, where consequences seem insignificant and tiny, or so you believe. But with the excitement of more freedom.. comes the anxiety of responsibility.. everything you do has so much more weight to it.. consequences become part of your everyday life and become so significant. Whether good or bad they are there and you see them. Now don't get me wrong, responsibility is NOT a bad thing.. it's essential for our growth.. But in this world we get so much more heaped onto us than was ever intended for us.. Growing up means you see all the crap in this world that's wrong. Before, as a youth, you hadn't really saw how screwed up everything is.. but as you grow that starts to change. Its overwhelming without a doubt.. especially when this all falls on you at once.. Some gradually ease into this.. which blessed they are. But for others, like myself, it happens more subtly. With that being said, I'd like to take the opportunity to express myself through my love of poetry. I have two rather recent works of mine i will now share.
Take me into the depths of peril
I beg you not to let me loose
For I shall never return
This pain triangle obtuse

A few steps from sanity
Or the loss there of
A desire to be understood
To be shown some love

I tell myself this is the way it is shown
Twisted be it may
It tears me up inside
So down my head i lay

Unable to focus I shudder in despair
How do i cope with all of this unfair
Do I keep quiet, restless inside
or should I even try to stop and share

I keep my mouth quiet because i can not speak
I cower in fear, my future so bleak
I press on ever so slightly
Despite my body feeling so week

Tell me you understand this struggle within
For i have no idea of what to do
Tell me you love me
Tell me something that isn't about you

Or don't, that is fine.
I have come thus far
Though i may not shine

I am what I am,
Because of you
a mess, a wreck,
Problems so few!

At the expense of me
I hope this proves
Things aren't always as you see
So now i beg of you let me be.
From the time of birth
All has been a blur
Nothing has felt of worth
Of nothing I am sure

For if I shall die
What has this meant
Here I will lie
My life I shall repent

Of one thing I know
This of true love
It takes away my woe
Makes me fly like a dove

So for this I will live
If for nothing more
My life I shall give
My heart I will pour

Heartfelt indeed. I hope you appreciate them. I am a very introspective kind of guy, so i reflect a lot on my life.. whether this is good or not, well that is relative to the situation and circumstance i am in. I hope this gives a little insight of what goes on in my head.. Ok im going to kind of shift gears now.. because this is not what i purposed for this post.. This post is really about a conclusion i have come to.. That being that i wasn't cut out for this state of New York. Sure its fun, its exciting! But the people here and the relationships that coincide are not my cup of tea.. Everyone here is too busy to appreciate the other.. everyone here is to concerned with what they want and need.. no one has time to stop and smell the roses.. I realize no matter where you go life is stressful.. but there is definitely something unique about this New York. I don't know its just too fast here.. i mean i like fast paced.. they move too slow down south.. but here they move toooo fast. isnt thre a happy medium somewhere? sigh i guess i will learn to go with this flow.. i will..